And there it is. Your old fling. Your old friend. That person who hurt you. That did you wrong. Or even the perceived wrong. But here you are crossing paths — a “like” on a social media post. There’s a message in your inbox with their name sitting unread. You read it. The words “I miss you.” The “I hate that we are no longer…”
Now comes the question of should you respond. “I’m in a different space now,” you say to yourself. “I’m a changed person.” #unbothered #blessed
But you are still asking yourself questions. Should I let this person back into my life? Better yet, should I even entertain a conversation? This shouldn’t be this hard. Sorry, sis. You wouldn’t be struggling with it if there wasn’t a need in you to deal with this. It’s not your gut telling you not to speak but rather your ego. Conflicting memes that tell us that everything that you left behind should stay in the past and also “If you love something let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s yours.” Going back even to consider a conversation and openly admitting the desire to do seems weak. There’s the embarrassment, hurt and humiliation there. “But it’s not,” you say.
Before you do anything, identify what you gained when your relationship ended. If that relationship hadn’t left, would you have been able to learn to travel alone? Had it not been for that hurt, would you have reached out to call a different friend for advice? Dig deep. Write down your questions to yourself. Find the reward there.
Take a pause and realize that you are where you are BECAUSE of that circumstance, not in spite of it. Acknowledge it as that moment that gave you enough energy to go back to school, go after your promotion, make healthier choices or change your friendships. We’re not saying that everyone deserves this consideration or to be a hero in your survival story. People who were physically or mentally abusive don’t get that power. Under the weight of pain, something in you may have felt broken. This piece of your life existed and created a crack in you that you are sealing and repairing with gold.
The need to reach out may still be with you, sis. You miss them back. Ask yourself how are they going to improve your life? Is there value for you there? Do they value you? There was something that you felt was dismissed or underappreciated. You may not have liked the person you were when you were with them. If you don’t miss who you were or feel positive, enriching feelings then what are you gaining?
Finally, are you still revisiting the pain, hurt or embarrassment that you experienced before? Are you telling yourself that you want “closure”? If the answer is yes, then #bothered #stressed
Just because you respond doesn’t mean you have to rekindle your relationship. However, to revisit your past, it must be in your past. It means that you’re willing to face the pain, confront it and then willingly and KNOWINGLY let it go. Don’t answer that call. Delete the message, sis. You’re healing hasn’t been completed, yet.
About the author: Brandy Collins is a Bay Area native living in Scorpio magic, observing of the world, and telling stories about people in random places. Follow on twitter @gurl79 or Instagram @story_soul_collecter