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The Journey

The journey of a thousand miles starts with one step. That’s what they say. One morning my journey began with burning my finger on a “protection” candle while setting an altar. No one said the journey was going to be easy. 

The journey of a thousand miles started with pain, followed by a cup of coffee. That thousand-mile journey is not without irony or humor. That pain is also vastly transformative. In the same way that my hurt finger will callous over and eventually heal, so does much of our pains that we have emotionally experienced. 

Don’t be mistaken; we’re not saying the pain has gone away. We’re saying we are healing. 

Getting toward a healing place is the ultimate journey. We are working every day on realizing the value in each step that we have already taken. When we think back on something that happened to us, do we also think about the places that incident or event has led us to as well? The loss of a family member may have led you to think about what that person meant to you and what you value, what you hold dear. It may also challenge you to ask where you find joy. 

The grief of any loss, whether it’s a job or a family member, puts us squarely in the middle of asking how to get back to “normal” or “feeling like myself again.” From there, we fumble, cry and rage through this new version of ourselves, the version in pain searching for reprieve. That search is the beginning of a series of events that lead us to sometimes wiser, sometimes more battered but improved versions of ourselves. 

They forget to tell you that one step takes a million brainwaves to move your legs, feet, and everything else to take that first step. 

The journey of a thousand miles means your brain has to get out of to even begin. It’s the idea of the journey where the struggle starts for so many people. Sometimes, what we hold onto does have value, but we can become misguided and doubt our intuition when we hear our friends say “let it go” or some other advice. 

Sometimes our ruminations have a deeper hold on us because we haven’t processed them yet. Don’t assume there aren’t reasons for whatever it was you were holding on to. Consider what you’re feeling or holding wasn’t supposed to let go. Sit down with those emotions and consider if it’s something you didn’t know you were supposed to explore. It also means exploring the parts of ourselves that we are often afraid to admit out loud some days. Maybe you were too mean to someone who didn’t deserve it or spoke harshly about someone. Question what you were feeling, where did that come from, and how you want to correct it moving forward. 

Finally, admitting out loud the challenges that we may have gone through is transformative. It may not be enough to remember something. Our minds have a way of painting events over time. On any given day, when you remember and experience, you can either be the victim or the villain. Saying the words is cathartic and helps to release. 

Each step in the process of healing takes time. Give yourself some space to heal holistically. The journey of a thousand miles takes a million tiny steps. You never know where one foot in front of the other will take you. 

Brandy Collins is a writer, and public services advocate born and raised in the Bay Area. She is a correspondent for Oakland Voices, a blogger, and the funny one in numerous group chats. Brandy is full of Scorpio magic and self-proclaimed Professional Aunty. Follow her on Twitter @msbrandycollins or Instagram @story_soul_collecter.

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Reflecting to Be Sustainable

If hindsight is 20/20, then we have seen more than our fair share to gain perspective well into the future. There have been some interesting challenges that changed the world we live in. We’ve had to make adjustments to our social constructs and how we processed this new world. Each time we begin a new year and a new journey, we also have to remember to release something that could be holding us back from being our best selves. 

Human beings are creatures of habit. An unsustainable routine was the most apparent and something we need to leave behind. The shift from sitting in traffic daily and being in an office surrounded by people to working from home wearing pajamas at a makeshift kitchen table for a desk, has forced us to question if our routines were sustainable for the lives we claim we want to live. 

The mental transitions from a “Go” centric life to a “Hurry up and wait” centric pace was the first challenge. On the one hand, sitting with ourselves for an extended period meant sitting with nowhere to rush off to. On the other hand, making plans for the end of a difficult time became a central focus because it was comforting to have something to look forward to. It’s helpful to remember there is no result or end game plan while you’re in the present moment, and that realization doesn’t often sit well for some. When we are not present or paying attention to what is going on in the now, we do it to our own detriment and miss out on moments of growth.  

The unsustainable routine may include making some truly unhealthy meal decisions. Making meals of tortilla chips, nacho cheese, and red wine for dinner can be okay once in a while as comfort but had quickly become an unhealthy habit over time. Perhaps we’ve made those choices due to diminished skills when cooking, lack of motivation, or just the sheer convenience of it. But when it becomes chronic and more consistent than making a regular meal, then a shift may be necessary. I’d be lying to myself if I said I wouldn’t do this again, but at least an effort can be made more frequently for better choices. 

It was far more noticeable how disconnected we had become from the people we care about. The way we were taking care of our personal relationships was not sustainable. I didn’t realize that I missed having conversations with some people, and the conversations I’ve had have been grounding. The best conversations were spent laughing, and we found several hours later, we were on the phone talking, exchanging ideas about how we want to transform our lives. Not everyone has the ability, but there are some people I thoroughly loved talking to with full honesty that I don’t have to hold back with. 

Finally, the ability to rest when your body tells you to rest is impacted when your routine is unsustainable. Making more time for rest or taking breaks when you need to is imperative. Taking a nap in the middle of the day seems like a bad idea at first, but after some time, we may come to realize we are more refreshed to get things done around the house, even in the later hours of the night. I became more productive and reflective during the hours after a nap. 

Our lives weren’t sustainable, and the routines we had were breaking us in ways that we weren’t aware of. For your own reflection, what’s something you found wasn’t sustainable? How can you make the shift?

About the author: Brandy Collins is a Bay Area native full of Scorpio magic and self-proclaimed Professional Aunty telling stories for Oakland Voices, Oaklandside, and the funny one in group chats. Follow on twitter @gurl79, Instagram @story_soul_collecter, and her website http://storysoulcollector.com/.

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Celebrate Your Small Wins

Celebrate Your Small Wins

It is party time! Release the balloons. Pop a bottle. Blow out the candles on your cake. 

It may not feel like it, but YOU deserve a celebration. Right now, we are celebrating the moment. This moment is THE MOMENT. This moment is your moment. Our world is changing every day, and the social constructs that we were so familiar with begin to amaze us with how they have transitioned. There may be times when we feel that we are not doing enough to be a part of these moments; by celebrating small wins in our everyday life, we can correlate them to other aspects of our lives that we found challenging to face. 

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Challenge: Indecisiveness: You have a hard time making a decision. 

Small Win: You chose a movie or TV show to watch.  

Why It’s A Win: There are a plethora of options and directions to go. Every day you are making important decisions that impact the lives of you, your family members, and the people you work with. We can ruminate over every one of them at length, but this is a small decision that brings you a bit of joy in the moment. 

Challenge: Unhealthy eating habits. You have eaten cereal for dinner three nights in a row. 

Small Win: You remembered to nourish yourself. 

Why It’s A Win: The definition of “unhealthy eating” is more subjective to our social ideas and pressure. We have learned along the way that what we do in times of hardship is wrong, rather than a part of survival instincts. Your circumstances financially and emotionally impact what is defined as “unhealthy.” It’s okay because you recognized it as something you wouldn’t normally do, and you will try something that feels healthier to you the next day. 

Challenge: You haven’t been paying attention to all the politics and don’t quite understand what is happening

Small Win: You recognized change is occurring and have a desire to make sense of something

Why It’s a Win: There is a lot of information globally, and it gets very confusing. Not everyone can follow every event happening in the political landscape. Focus your influences locally and within your circle of influence. Do some research with other people who make you feel comfortable in asking questions about the issues. Make sure that you are registered to vote. Remember to vote. That’s all the heavy mental lifting that’s required.

Challenge: You didn’t do all the items on your list and did nothing all-day

Small Win: You took rest

Why It’s A Win: We are conditioned to work hard to get our rewards. There is enough hustle culture in the world that we often forget what all the hustling is for. Take a day to recharge and reset yourself. 

Challenge: You haven’t showered in 3 days

Small Win: Your sense of smell kicked, and you only smell like you’re dying

Why It’s A Win: You’re loved ones will be grateful that you have chiseled off those leggings and the stained T-shirt. That shower, when you finally take it, is going to feel like such a relief. The air around you will be such a relief to breathe in.  

You showed up for the moment where you needed yourself. Stop beating yourself up for not doing the thing that you planned to do. Celebrate the small wins in your life. You have been in the moment that your journey led you to. Where are you supporting yourself and your accomplishments? 

About the author: Brandy Collins is a Bay Area native full of Scorpio magic and self-proclaimed Professional Aunty telling stories for Oakland Voices, Oaklandside, and the funny one in group chats. Follow on twitter @gurl79, Instagram @story_soul_collecter, and her website http://storysoulcollector.com/.

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The Abundant Purpose

Abundance is so frequently discussed in terms of monetary gains. When we want to manifest our intentions, it can be framed in the form of a new job, money for vacations, or security in our financial futures… However, have you ever considered the abundance of your purpose? The world we live in can be placed into many caste systems of financial gain, describing our worth in what material possessions we have, the amount of money we make or spend.

Many of our most abundant blessings are things that we give to one another. We spend time and give advice. We share our lives. We show up for our friends when they are in need. What if we use the same language that we use for money in our relationships and growth?

Ask what’s the return on investment. Cheer your friends on in their accomplishments but also ask them to be accountable for their progress in a realistic way.  

Relationships are a system of checks and balances. Don’t give more than you can afford to give of yourself. Also, don’t ask someone to give more of themselves than you would expect to give. 

Surround ourselves with people who are not morally bankrupt. We all have our flaws. Many of us have been down some dark roads and shouldn’t judge people on what to do to survive. However, don’t intentionally surround yourself with people who have no regard for other people, their resources, their time, or livelihoods.

Refuse to be indebted, nor turn our friendships into indentured servitude. No one owns the rights to someone else’s partnerships, friendships, successes, or failures. We may believe that an introduction to someone or something is our success or failure to claim. Remember, there may be benefits or fallouts of being supportive in someone else, but it’s not yours to claim.

The most beneficial relationships are diversified. We cross paths with many people from many different roads. There are valuable and teachable moments in each of them. Keep people around you that you can learn and experience something new.

Lend an ear. Just the simple act of listening to someone else express themselves honestly without filter or judgment can mean the world to someone.

Not everyone’s purpose is the same or can remain unchanging. Sis, consider at this moment, your purpose is to be abundant in not only your own life but the lives around you. It is full of rich experiences from which you have lived and learned. The wealth of knowledge that you share with others can give so much more to someone else than you have ever gained.

Sis, how can you be abundant in someone’s life?

About the author: Brandy Collins is a Bay Area native full of Scorpio magic and self-proclaimed Professional Aunty telling stories for Oakland Voices and numerous group chats. Follow on twitter @gurl79 or Instagram @story_soul_collecter

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An Experience We Share

Connection

Remember that one time you were with your friends and another group of people saw something strange happen? It could have been something small like a dog off its leash running. Or someone in a car spinning donuts in the middle of the street and then drives off. (If you’re in the Bay Area, this is not an uncommon sight). A group of strangers all witnessing something together, and then share a knowing glance, sparks something inside of us. We begin talking about what we saw. We validate the experience with one another. That is a shared experience.

A shared experience is doing, seeing, or hearing something with someone else. This experience can transform your perspective of the people you thought you knew. It can spark conversations, jokes, laughter, and friendships.

It doesn’t matter if we are in the same space with people; these experiences have a way of shaping how we respond to the change, how we grow, and how we live. That text message to a colleague during a conference call is the small push we need to feel that we are not alone. Sharing news articles on social media and commenting on what we read with our friends allows us to see the world with a common perspective. In 2008 the world watched as the United States swore in the country’s first black president. 2015 brought the most sought after and talked about Broadway musical, Hamilton. 2019 Game of Thrones fans lamented how the show ended in disappointment. 2020 gave us a global pandemic and Teddy Riley vs. Babyface a musical battle on Instagram where a captive audience of fans and celebrities watched, danced, and shared jokes.

We’ve heard the adage, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” However, it’s also true we need these small interactions to make us feel a part of something bigger than ourselves. It’s easy for us to lose sight of how we are connected through separation. We should be forgiving of ourselves when we begin to crave these connections. It’s okay to ask for these small moments of connection. It’s okay to tell someone a story about your day. It’s okay to say to a friend, “I don’t feel brave today.” These are all things we experience together.

It’s through these experiences we find our commonalities and also can learn to respect the differences of others. We can see the same shows but feel vastly different feelings. Our perspectives are so vast that they can bring us to a commonplace. We need our circles of people to be there for us in the good times, as well as the more challenging ones. They can make the smallest moments feel monumental.

Sis, are you sharing with others? Did you remember to reach out to someone and let them know that you are available when they are in need? Are you asking for the times that you are in need? When we remember to reach out, we don’t have to feel so separated or alone.

About the author: Brandy Collins is a Bay Area native full of Scorpio magic and self-proclaimed Professional Aunty telling stories for Oakland Voices and numerous group chats. Follow on twitter @gurl79 or Instagram @story_soul_collecter

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Unmoving in Faith

faith

So there you are. Stuck and not moving. You may, at this point, feel like you are in a box, and you are not able to get out. The plans that you had for yourself and your loved ones seem as if they can not happen now. It could be a dead-end job, a relationship that didn’t go as planned or you’re under nationwide quarantine, and you literally can’t go anywhere. Whatever the reason, your plans have halted.

However, the thing that you need most to be stable has shifted -your faith. We’re not talking about faith in the religious sense. It is the faith in yourself that you started with that gave you optimism. When you started your plans, you prepared to leave your comfort zone for a new way of life; you had faith that you could make it work. It started somewhere. You were encouraged by something. You had a belief that if you set your intentions and put in the work, things could occur. Then a setback happened, doubt set in, and your faith began to waver.

Much of our current positive reinforcement wisdom today would say to think on the positive side about what is happening and don’t lose out on your faith. On the contrary, you shouldn’t ignore your doubts or pretend they don’t exist. Question and interrogate these fears. What happened that made me feel this way? If you aren’t able to see your way through doubt, have someone you trust to ask you some honest questions about your fears to put some logic to them. A technique in problem-solving analysis referred to as “5 whys” is a great way to get why you think or believe something is occurring.

Next, focus on the aspects you can control. A significant confidence boost is being able to accomplish a smaller task. It can be unrelated to the goals that you were planning to manifest. It can be as simple as completing a 500 piece puzzle. When you take a small step to gain control of one part of your life, confidence, and faith in yourself can be rebuilt.

Finally, the hardest part of restoring your faith is to remember that you are exactly where you are supposed to be in the moment you are supposed to be. When we are manifesting, we align our actions. When we are aligned, we are moving in the direction that is our path. The set back is a part of your alignment. This is the time when you should be reflecting and deciding if you want to continue. Your setback is a good time to stabilize your set up.

As you progress in the intentions you’ve set, your faith in yourself will too. It’s okay that your faith in yourself wavers from time to time. It’s normal. These moments of uncertainty are part of your growth. Sis, take this time and be still while you can.

About the author: Brandy Collins is a Bay Area native full of Scorpio magic and self-proclaimed Professional Aunty telling stories for Oakland Voices and numerous group chats. Follow on twitter @gurl79 or Instagram @story_soul_collecter

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Self-Love is…

We spend every day in the service of other people. In our work, we cater to the needs of our employer, our staff and our colleagues. In our relationships, we lookout for our mates and friends making sure they have support to love and grow. As parents and for those with aging parents we work to keep safe and cared for. As we walk through the world we are compassionate for people who are the most vulnerable and in need of love. However, when it comes to ourselves, it’s not so easy.

Self-love is reminding yourself that you are worthy of your own time and attention. Remember to give yourself time to breathe, intentionally. You are worthy of taking a day off to rest. You are worthy to remember that you aren’t just a sister, mother or significant other. You have a name and it should be celebrated by you first.

Self-love is showing up for yourself. Be present in not only your best moments but also the challenging moments. Don’t distract yourself from these moments because they are a part of your growth.  Reflection can come afterward. You can share it with others when the time is right. However, when something happens, stay in that moment.

Self-love is being compassionate with yourself. It means genuinely loving who you are. You came into being through your efforts and actions. You have shed beliefs and changed your mind about who you are. Be loving of yourself in those moments.

Self-love is defending yourself the same way you would defend a friend or a child. It sounds cliche, however, the words you say to yourself are not the words you would allow anyone else to say to you. Talk to yourself out loud. Feel the words as you say them. Tell yourself that you tried your best and that you will try harder the next time.

Loving yourself is not an easy task. It’s far easier to pour yourself into other people and their needs than to look for your own love. Each day we must make the effort to remind ourselves that we deserve the same attention as our lovers, family, and friends. How will you commit to loving yourself, sis?

About the author: Brandy Collins is a Bay Area native full of Scorpio magic and self-proclaimed Professional Aunty telling stories for Oakland Voices and numerous group chats. Follow on twitter @gurl79 or Instagram @story_soul_collecter

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Hello and Goodbye January!

Even though January is coming to a close, it’s never too late to make our intentions for 2020. What are yours? For SIS Circle, we intend to grow and prosper in 2020, spreading sisterhood and amplifying our support to womxn. In fact, we already secured our SIS Circle Retreat for this coming September!

This past year may have been challenging for some of you. No matter what, take time to reflect on what you’ve learned and how you’ve grown. Each day is a brand new day and an opportunity to reset and keep moving. So with that, we welcome all that is ahead in 2020 and look back to where SIS Circle has been in 2019:

A Look-Back at SIS Circle in 2019

We’ve Grown!

The energy has kept our circle growing and we now have 676 members in our Facebook group! That’s over 200 more than we had this time last year. Thank you for spreading the word and inviting others to our circle. We hope that more of you will engage in discussions and share posts to continue to encourage, motivate, and share. Let’s make our Facebook Group stronger and more impactful in 2020!

Inspiring Events

January: We kicked off our run/jog/walk fitness program led by one of our founding sisters, Julie Ziegler.
March: Participated at the Oakland Marathon for their Corporate Wellness Program. If you would like to participate this year and receive a discount on the race, let us know!
March: First Womxn of Color Entrepreneur Panel at Impact Hub in Oakland. Facilitator: Brandy Collins, Panelists: Shumsha Hanif-Cruz, Esq. and Lily Ayers from Queen Hippie Gypsy.
May: We meditated with Gifts of Prosperity owner, Kenji Correa, then listened to one of our founding sisters, Jodie Karigaca from Insight Images 510 share how she stays motivated and maintains her healthy lifestyle. To get us stretching, Kelly Knoche founder of The Teaching Well led a beautiful yoga session.
May: Self Care Brunch with a talk led by a founding sister, Shumsha Hanif-Cruz.
June: Womxn of Color Entrepreneur Panel with Anna Villalobos from Oeste Bar & Cafe and Mirella Rangel from Colibrí Collective.
August: Sisters Who Lead Panel with Lena Waters, VP , Integrated Marketing at DocuSign, Dr. Meredith Calvert, PhD, Principal Scientist at Denali Therapeutics, and Somya Mehta, Director of Partnerships at The Teaching Well.
October: Salary Negotiation Workshop with RivaHQ founder and CEO, Stephanie Young.
October: SIS Circle Summit at Destiny Arts Center.

Whew!  We are so grateful to all of the sisters who volunteered their time and energy at these events and those of you who attended. We appreciate your support and can’t wait to do more in 2020. Happy New Year!

Leilani & Elaine
SIS Circle Co-Founders

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Grown and Grateful

gratitude

We often express our gratitude for our loved ones and the many blessings that we receive. However, we forget that the lessons we learned along the way are something we need to acknowledge. We’re not shaming anyone in their choices but when we sat down and reflected, we found ourselves showing some gratitude for our earned experiences. Here are some of the lessons our founding sisters have learned from their younger days:

“I don’t have to impress anyone.”
We can feel more confident in ourselves with growth. There’s no longer a need to put on a full face of makeup just to go to the grocery store. There is no longer a need to pretend to be interested in your boyfriend’s favorite band or TV shows that you’re not interested in because your friends like it. It’s okay to wear sweats and still have a good time. There is freedom in just allowing yourself to be comfortable in your own skin.

“I don’t have to stay in hostels or crappy hotels when I travel.” At some point, we road tripped with a group of friends and there were 4 or 5 people taking turns sharing two queen-sized beds. This was a time when we bonded with our friends, learned who was the loudest person to snore and who don’t share their covers. There is nothing wrong with growing away from that and knowing if you can afford it, that you need your own room and are no longer willing to sleep foot to head.

“I like my heels but I also like my slippers.” Gaining some financial freedom is being able to spend some coin on a nice pair of shoes. You can proudly sport a pair of stilettos and do a catwalk strut for most of your day but there is nothing like those leopard print slippers when you get home.

“I don’t have to people when I don’t want to people.” On repeat and louder for the people in the back who did not hear it. We can take our damn self out to a nice dinner and movie or simply stay-in, binge-watch a series on Hulu, and put our phone on do not disturb.

“I have more discernment in my friendships.” Our relationships, more specifically our friendships will become more substantial. They become more valuable to us because they are more authentic. The conversations are less about partying and more about planning. The cattiness, backbiting, and pettiness of youthful friendships no longer have a place and are far too exhausting to maintain. We are more selective about who we allow into our spaces and who to give our energy to.

“There is strength in vulnerability.” We are warriors in so many parts of our lives. The knowledge that we don’t have to always put on a brave face and that it is okay to embrace the softness is the strongest part of our character. It’s okay to hold your friend’s hand when she needs to feel your strength. Take a moment to be a shoulder to cry on after a rough day at work.

“Everyone else’s problems are not my problems.” We don’t have to save anyone from themselves. There may have been a time when your friend’s every crisis felt like it was your crisis. At some point, we realize that our friends can handle their issues. We can support them on their journey but surely we can’t sit in her driveway in the car listening to Sade’s Sweetest Taboo every Tuesday night. Once, maybe if she has a bottle of good wine.

“Youth is wasted on the young.” We’re not judging our younger sisters nor the mounds of energy they have by any means. We reminisce about the days where we partied until the sun literally came up and went to work with only 3 hours of sleep, still wearing the eyeliner from the night before. Now, we are going to bed at 9 pm on Friday night. We served our time in the party life but we also know we took naps for granted.

Whether we are talking about vacations, lovers, shoes, or friends we want substance. In this stage of our lives, we are about quality over quantity. Like many of us, we have grown more experienced we have found that there are lessons we learned in our youth that have made us grateful for the progress and growth. Learning doesn’t end just because of age. Don’t worry sis, many of us are still learning these lessons.

About the author: Brandy Collins is a Bay Area native living in Scorpio magic, observing of the world, and telling stories about people in random places. Follow on twitter @gurl79 or Instagram @story_soul_collecter

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Learning About Money and Me

Tina J. Ling is a “reacher outer.” That was the reason That’s What She Said (TWSS) organizers thought of Tina for last May’s “Financial Freedom for Womxn” seminar at The Social Study, a women-owned Bay Area bar in San Francisco. A few of us SIS Circle sisters were there to listen and learn from Tina about getting the most out of our finances.

We cannot move forward in finance without community.

The room was filled with womxn from different financial backgrounds to learn about changing their relationship with money so they can be more successful in their financial decision making. Tina challenged our thinking. If we aren’t talking about money and finance, how are we supposed to learn about finance? To drive her point across, Tina said, “In sales, we talk about money all the time. We brag to each other what we make. They talk about it on the golf courses. That is community. We cannot move forward in finance without community.” Gaining and having knowledge in finance is about community.

I am stressed about money often.

Tina asked us to look at what we care about and what we need to take care of in our lives. Deciding what’s important will be the driving force and motivation for our decisions. She instructed us to take a self-assessment where we were presented with statements to rate from 1 (low) to 5 (high). One statement that struck a chord with many of us was “I am stressed about money often.” With trepidation, some of the womxn in the room admitted that they were stressed often about money. The sharing confirmed that we are not alone in the journey. It was reassuring. Saying out loud our own worries and fears is how we begin to motivate ourselves toward making financial plans. Fear was the most common emotion attached to the discussion about finance. In fact, Tina mentioned that she worked with people who are in their 40s and 50s who had never talked about money.

“I don’t talk about how much I make because I feel people I know may be uncomfortable with it.”

– Shumsha Hanif- Cruz, a Founding SIS Circle Sister

In the Forbes article, Why We Should Get Over The Taboo Of Discussing Salary Openly And Honestly, the author Jack Kelly says we would all benefit if we get over the taboo of discussing money. He writes, “It would open the door to more real and honest conversations about saving for the future and having sufficient funds for retirement and other commitments.” Tina reminded us, “At the beginning (of the seminar), I told you how much I made because without it, that’s how they win. In sales, we talk about it to pump each other up and to know what salary value is.” Without the direct and clear discussion, we don’t know where the value lines are drawn.

We learn about money from people who raised us.
We learn about it from the people we spend time with.
From them, we learn how to interact with money.
Our placement at or above the poverty line shapes our interactions with money.

In a group discussion, one attendee stated “For each of us, enough is different. For some of us enough is having enough to keep the lights on. For others, enough is having enough for a vacation.” Tina replied, “We let the external world tell us too often what is enough for us. When we ask for something and receive less than what we know we deserve, that is letting the external world tell us what is enough for us.” In order to be in control, we need to be clear, concise and intentional about what we say when we need “just enough.” 

Changing how we see finance will help to change our financial decisions. Throughout our lives, we have been conditioned to believe that with more money comes more problems. Life and life’s problems will continue to happen whether we are wealthy or not. When our basic needs are threatened we respond differently. It was important to remember that money doesn’t make life’s problems go away however it makes life more comfortable when you have to deal with them.

Get clear on your goals.

Tina told us to get clear on our goals and asking for what we want. Write down a tangible amount and date. This was difficult. What am I aiming for? How much is too much?  There was a murmur in the room. “How are you supposed to receive what you want if you aren’t clear about asking for it?” The third, fourth and fifth steps are just as hard as the first.

“You are not your money.” She repeated it. Then she repeated it again. “You are not your money.” This mantra was going to take a hold on us all. 

By the end of the seminar, there was a sense of relief and understanding about what kind of work needs to be done to change our relationship with finance. This was an experience I didn’t know I needed. Money doesn’t have to be the root of all evil. Those shaped metal and pieces of green paper we refer to as dollars and cents don’t have the same control over my mental state that they did when I started the evening. This is not to say that money doesn’t have a place and isn’t a valued commodity in the world we live in. Rather, I should value it as a tool and be in community with finances more because I am not my money.

About the author: Brandy Collins is a Bay Area native living in Scorpio magic, observing of the world, and telling stories about people in random places. Follow on twitter @gurl79 or Instagram @story_soul_collecter

manifest abundance wealth prosperity
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Balance Without Scales

Photo by Le Minh Phuong on Unsplash

We asked our sisters on our social media accounts how do they balance their lives. Our diverse community of women who are marathon runners, entrepreneurs, educators, scientists, writers, receptionists, lawyers and community activists gave us the loudest response of… silence. When some were asked individually what they are doing to balance their lives they said they didn’t feel like they were balanced at all. Sis, you’re doing the best that you can do. What do you mean you aren’t balanced? 

We each work in a variety of spaces day in and day out to make our lives as livable, comfortable and enriching as we can with the resources that we have. Its widely accepted that what some refer to as positive psychology  https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/positive-psychology is a springboard for helping people get through tough times. In therapy and in manifestation meditation practices it involves focusing primarily on the positive aspects of our lives and projecting positivity in order to maintain positive things in our lives. 

No one can be expected to do this every single day all day, all the time. Each of us also faces a new challenge that can drain us of our energies. We have obligations that require a not so positive response in order to get the results. As leaders and supervisors, we have to have difficult conversations with our staff members. As parents, we have to think about the safety of our children in a not so safe world. This is what it means to balance.

“Being balanced isn’t like putting all the positive and negative things on scales and weigh them against each other. “

Being balanced isn’t like putting all the positive and negative things on scales and weigh them against each other. Being balanced isn’t focusing all your energies to solve every problem you have ever encountered. Being balanced isn’t only thinking positive thoughts and neglecting the negative aspects. Being balanced doesn’t mean that you have to forget every moment you ever lived because you are making new decisions for the betterment of your life now.

We’ve learned to box in our thoughts into categories of negative being bad and positive as being good. Unfortunately, we may have also boxed out that opposition that brought about the innovative change in our lives. Remember that time you were overdrawn and didn’t have money to put gas in the car? (Many of us have been there, sis.) You went through every pocket, purse, and drawer to find just enough to get to where we needed to get to. This also made you plan better and think about your spending habits. You started storing your change and using Coinstar to cash it in when you were low on funds.

How about the times you disagreed with a procedure at work? Either the operating system didn’t work or the procedure was steeped in bias or you simply were told that you’re pushy, sensitive and complaining too much. Remember when you speak out about something frustrating or that puts you in an uncomfortable position, you are not complaining but simply voicing a concern. It’s okay to do that. This is why many companies have IT departments, incident reports, diversity training, nepotism policies, inclusive hiring practices, grievance policies, and whistleblower policies.

What we can do is learn how to redirect our focus on what we learn in those moments about ourselves and position those moments in a more positive light. Acknowledge that there are some challenging times in our lives. Acknowledge that you are an instrument for change. Acknowledge that your change could become a way of life for someone else. Having balance is about knowing and understanding the ebbs and flows from one life event to another. When we focus on the lessons to learn from these events rather than isolating them into a negative or positive we are then balancing our lives. Hopefully, when we ask our sisters again how they are balancing their lives, we may need to reframe our question to:

How are you thriving, growing, and learning?

What steps are you making to improve your quality of life?

About the author: Brandy Collins is a Bay Area native living in Scorpio magic, observing of the world, and telling stories about people in random places. Follow on twitter @gurl79 or Instagram @story_soul_collecter

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Six Degrees of SIS

Infographic vector created by freepik – www.freepik.com

Ever play Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon? The objective of the game is to connect any celebrity to Kevin Bacon by 6 people based on the “six degrees of separation” concept. It’s more fun to see if you can connect yourself to any person you can think of in the world and see if you can connect by 6 people. You to your cousin who went to high school with a guy who did a movie and so on and so on. Each person is connected to another person on the planet. That person is connected to another and another until you realize that the world is a small place. 

This is what makes being a part of a community an amazing experience. As we encounter people on our journey we learn more about ourselves. We develop new interests and experiences. When we connect with others, we share these interests and experiences. This leads us to find our common ground with other people. Shared experiences shape our perceptions of the world. When these moments are enjoyable, we hold on to them and make more of them. When they are less than ideal, we find ways to change the world for better experiences. 

We each walk into others’ lives for various reasons. Some people stay for years and become like family. Others are gone as quickly as they arrived with barely a memory. Not all connections are large, but they can be significant in huge ways. There are times when we may not know that we are making a connection. For example, the time one time you dropped your wallet and someone gave it back to you. A friend you just met invites you to a concert. You give the woman who does your hair a phone number to an apartment you saw open up for new tenants. Each small moment can lead to larger moments and our lives can be the sum of it all. 

Other encounters can feel like life-changing events. When our sisters attended the SIS Circle Wellness retreat one year ago, meeting entrepreneur and co-host of The Great Girlfriends podcast Sybil Amuti was a welcome and engaging connection. That experience led to our founding SISters to have grown friendships, opportunities to change careers, build their businesses, participate in writing cohorts, and marathon runs. The opportunity for more growth continues every day. 

On October 19, 2019 we are looking forward to connecting with sisters at our Strength In Sisterhood 2019 Summit: Resilience. We’ll begin in intention setting and yoga. Next, we’ll listen to our women’s panel on resilience. After that, there will be two workshops learning about crystal healing and the importance of self-care. A celebration reception will close the evening with music and food to nourish us. On Day 2 we will have a brunch and workshop allowing time for reflection and deeper connection with yourself and others. This is the hope that SIS Circle has for every event for our participants; to remove one degree from you to your goals or connections with others. We’ll see you there.

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Three Skills Women Should Cultivate For Their Career Growth

Last Friday, we interviewed three amazing women leaders from DocuSign, Denali Therapeutics, and The Teaching Well. This is the first of four blog posts that captures their insightful responses to our questions. For more information about our panelists, read their bios here.

Your positions in leadership are inspiring to other women. What would you say is the number one skill an aspiring female leader should cultivate as she grows in her career?

Julie Ziegler

Question submitted by founding SIS Circle member, Julie Ziegler.

“Figure out what you want to do, ask for help when you need it, and create a plan.“
– Lena Waters, VP Integrated Marketing at DocuSign

Lena’s response (slightly edited transcription from interview):

Make sure in a professional environment to ask for what you want. It seems like a small thing but sometimes women find themselves in a position where they are so busy taking care of others we forget to take care of ourselves. If I am trying to make my way from A to B in a career in a company I should have a plan. There’s no problem making a plan when I am at work. I manage accounts, projects, and teams, and I would never do anything without having a plan.. When I started to think of it that way, it got simpler and it didn’t mean that my plan was really good, and it didn’t mean that it worked out, but it allowed me to stand out of myself and when I needed help or if there was something I wanted to do to advance the plan, then I could ask for it. It gave me the backbone of what I wanted to do and how I was going to do it and allowed me to disassociate myself from feeling bad or guilty.

Figure out what you want to do, which is the hardest part, ask for help when you need it, and create a plan. Think of everything you do as a project. We all do that from day-to-day. That’s been the one principle that I’ve kept with me from when I was very young and I still do it today.

“Professional resilience.”
– Dr. Meredith Calvert, PhD, Principal Scientist at Denali Therapeutics

Dr. Calvert’s response (slightly edited transcription from interview):

Professional resilience; I know that’s multi-faceted but also critical to success in any field. Professional resilience is the ability to work very hard. It’s to put absolutely everything into it, to believe in it, and to work really hard for it. That’s the number one ingredient for success.

At the same time, professional resilience is the ability to take criticism and not let it break you down. To be able to understand and hear constructive criticism but at the same time with resilience, you have to believe in your own ideas too. You have to be able to take criticism, but also recognize when it doesn’t resonate with you and to decide that you’re going to stick with your ideas anyway- and be able to distinguish the two.

“Believe in our own genius.”
– Sonya Mehta, Director of Partnerships at The Teaching Well

Sonya’s response (slightly edited transcription from interview):

I recently read a Harvard Business Review article that talked about a study they did on leadership competencies between men and women. It compared men’s and women’s performance, and also how women rated themselves with how men rated themselves. Out of 19 competencies, women outperformed men in 17 of them, and yet consistently rated themselves lower in all areas. That’s consistent with other findings on how men often read job descriptions and meet 30% of the criteria and apply anyway, using their other talents and charisma to advance in the process. Women do just the opposite. (They) read job descriptions where they meet 90% of the criteria and choose not to apply. As women, we often get in our own way because of societal conditioning that has taught us not to take a chance on ourselves.

So, it’s clear to me that women don’t really need to develop any talent other than believing in our own genius. Everything else is already there. When we look at disparities, so much is culturally transferred from one generation to the next. I think our generation has the ability to move out of that and invest in our own abilities as women.

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Keep at it. Keep going. Keep pushing.

Photo by Valentina Conde on Unsplash

Wow! We are half-way through 2019. This is a great time to take time to check-in on the goals you’ve set at the beginning of the year. Ask yourself these two questions:

Where am I now?
How am I now?

Think about how much you’ve grown over the last 6 months. Maybe you haven’t lost those 15 pounds yet, but you’ve started to walk more and have eliminated some of those unhealthy foods from your diet. That’s progress! You may not have that ideal promotion at work yet, but perhaps you’ve taken more initiative to lead projects or expand your skillset. You are on the right track! The tickets to your dream vacation haven’t been purchased yet, but if you are putting money away, you will get to your destination!

Making progress towards your goals is huge and you should celebrate those wins. But, you need to stay motivated to continue that progress. If you are struggling, dig deep and ask yourself:

Why do I think I am not reaching my goals?
What do I need to do to get motivated?
What help and resources do I need to accomplish my goals?
How can I hold myself accountable?

Self-reflection can help you discover what’s holding you back from your success. It’s important to take time to make a personal assessment of yourself.

Tips to Keep you Motivated

1. Find an accountability partner. This could be a friend, a co-worker, or someone else that you can check-in with from time to time to talk about your goals and your progress or setbacks and to also hold your feet to the fire.
2. Eliminate obstacles that prevent you from reaching your goals. If there are negative people in your life that continually suck the energy out of you, you may need to reevaluate that relationship or limit the amount of time you spend with them. Remove bad habits that do not serve a purpose in your progress.
3. Don’t compare yourself to others. Do YOU. Keep your focus on yourself, your goals, your accomplishments, and what it takes to get YOU to reach your next step.
4. Don’t give up. You may face setbacks and that’s okay. Learn from your mistakes and keep going. You got this.

There are 184 more days left in the year. That’s 184 more opportunities to start fresh and reset. So keep at it. Keep going. Keep pushing. 

Motivational Quotes

It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.
–Confucius

Infuse your life with action. Don’t wait for it to happen. Make it happen. Make your own future. Make your own hope. Make your own love. And whatever your beliefs, honor your creator, not by passively waiting for grace to come down from upon high, but by doing what you can to make grace happen… yourself, right now, right down here on Earth.
–Bradley Whitford

Good things come to people who wait, but better things come to those who go out and get them.
–Anonymous

Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence. –Helen Keller

 I believe that the only courage anybody ever needs is the courage to follow your own dreams.
–Oprah Winfrey

You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something–your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life. –Steve Jobs

Check out these motivational TED Talks

Getting Comfortable With Being Uncomfortable – TEDWomen2017

Luvvie Ajayi isn’t afraid to speak her mind or to be the one dissenting voice in a crowd, and neither should you. “Your silence serves no one,” says the writer, activist and self-proclaimed professional troublemaker. In this bright, uplifting talk, Ajayi shares three questions to ask yourself if you’re teetering on the edge of speaking up or quieting down — and encourages all of us to get a little more comfortable with being uncomfortable.

Why the secret to success is setting the right goals – TED 2018

Our leaders and institutions are failing us, but it’s not always because they’re bad or unethical, says venture capitalist John Doerr — often, it’s simply because they’re leading us toward the wrong objectives. In this practical talk, Doerr shows us how we can get back on track with “Objectives and Key Results,” or OKRs — a goal-setting system that’s been employed by the likes of Google, Intel and Bono to set and execute on audacious goals. Learn more about how setting the right goals can mean the difference between success and failure — and how we can use OKRs to hold our leaders and ourselves accountable.

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Grow in Your Self-Trust

Photo by Kaitlyn Jameson on Unsplash

When springtime comes around, we begin to see the greenery and lushness around us. The sun starts to shine, and flowers are in bloom. Many of us experience the springtime within us at other times of the year.

Throughout different points in our childhood, we are taught to rely on others to help us, nurture us and provide direction to our lives. Into our early teens and as adults we are expected to move from interdependence into decisiveness without really being taught how. Then as adults, we are to become experts or rely on the expertise of others to guide our lives. However, in our development, we miss an essential lesson which is trusting ourselves and our instincts. As we grow through different phases in our lives, we become different versions of ourselves. We live many lives as we become who we will be.

Our individual growth also has an impact on not just ourselves but the world around us. Think of yourself as a plant. When you are nourished with light and nutrients you rise and share your nutrients with the ground. You even may feed other plants. You give oxygen and keep others alive. But what happens to a poorly cared-for plant? They seem unsightly. Can kill off other plants. Some carry disease which can spread. Plants, unlike people, don’t doubt their growth.

To trust ourselves we should ask ourselves questions that we strengthen our growth and build our self-trust.

What do you like about yourself? Start by making a list of the things you enjoy about yourself. Similar to trust in others, you would not put trust someone you didn’t like.

When do you celebrate yourself and your accomplishments? Even something as simple is as looking yourself in the mirror and saying “Job well done” is a small celebration for you to acknowledge overcoming or growing from something. Remove the idea that humility means you can’t accept praise, even from yourself.

Where are the receipts for when you made good decisions? Identify those times when your instincts were right. Look at the moments when you had an idea or thought that lead you to make a decision based on your instincts.

What about the time when your instincts didn’t work? Acknowledge that sometimes bad decisions do happen. Don’t minimize these instances but rather look at them objectively and remember you learned a lesson from it. Don’t let it define you but rather shape your decision making.

Would you allow someone to talk to your child, friend or cherished family member poorly? If no, then do not allow this for yourself. Your self-talks can either help or hinder your growth. When you trust in yourself and your instincts you will find that you continue to bloom, much like a healthy plant.

About the author: Brandy Collins is a Bay Area native living in Scorpio magic, observing of the world, and telling stories about people in random places. Follow on twitter @gurl79 or Instagram @story_soul_collecter

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A Visit From The Past

And there it is. Your old fling. Your old friend. That person who hurt you. That did you wrong. Or even the perceived wrong. But here you are crossing paths — a “like” on a social media post. There’s a message in your inbox with their name sitting unread. You read it. The words “I miss you.” The “I hate that we are no longer…”

Now comes the question of should you respond. “I’m in a different space now,” you say to yourself. “I’m a changed person.” #unbothered #blessed

But you are still asking yourself questions. Should I let this person back into my life? Better yet, should I even entertain a conversation? This shouldn’t be this hard. Sorry, sis. You wouldn’t be struggling with it if there wasn’t a need in you to deal with this. It’s not your gut telling you not to speak but rather your ego. Conflicting memes that tell us that everything that you left behind should stay in the past and also “If you love something let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s yours.” Going back even to consider a conversation and openly admitting the desire to do seems weak. There’s the embarrassment, hurt and humiliation there. “But it’s not,” you say.

Before you do anything, identify what you gained when your relationship ended. If that relationship hadn’t left, would you have been able to learn to travel alone? Had it not been for that hurt, would you have reached out to call a different friend for advice? Dig deep. Write down your questions to yourself. Find the reward there.

Take a pause and realize that you are where you are BECAUSE of that circumstance, not in spite of it. Acknowledge it as that moment that gave you enough energy to go back to school, go after your promotion, make healthier choices or change your friendships. We’re not saying that everyone deserves this consideration or to be a hero in your survival story. People who were physically or mentally abusive don’t get that power. Under the weight of pain, something in you may have felt broken. This piece of your life existed and created a crack in you that you are sealing and repairing with gold.

The need to reach out may still be with you, sis. You miss them back. Ask yourself how are they going to improve your life? Is there value for you there? Do they value you? There was something that you felt was dismissed or underappreciated. You may not have liked the person you were when you were with them. If you don’t miss who you were or feel positive, enriching feelings then what are you gaining?

Finally, are you still revisiting the pain, hurt or embarrassment that you experienced before? Are you telling yourself that you want “closure”? If the answer is yes, then #bothered #stressed

Just because you respond doesn’t mean you have to rekindle your relationship. However, to revisit your past, it must be in your past. It means that you’re willing to face the pain, confront it and then willingly and KNOWINGLY let it go. Don’t answer that call. Delete the message, sis. You’re healing hasn’t been completed, yet.

About the author: Brandy Collins is a Bay Area native living in Scorpio magic, observing of the world, and telling stories about people in random places. Follow on twitter @gurl79 or Instagram @story_soul_collecter

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pas·sion

pas·sion
Noun

1 : a strong feeling or emotion He spoke with passion.

2 : an object of someone’s love, liking, or desire Art is my passion.

3 : strong liking or desire : love She has a passion for music.

When we speak of passion we typically talk about it as an emotion and in relation to people we share our lives with.  But rarely do we speak of our passion for something a will to action. It’s how we gather our strength and drive our decisions.There are stories and articles that speak “Awakening passion” or “Finding what we are passionate about”. But these don’t happen easy or overnight. There is a love of what we are doing or the goal in mind that becomes the driving force for our actions. There is a need to connect to something more meaningful. That is passion. We wanted to share some thoughts about what passion means from other perspectives.

“The happiness of a (wo)man in this life does not consist in the absence but in the mastery of his passions.” Alfred Lord Tennyson

Following your passions isn’t enough. It takes practice and work toward becoming a master at your passions. Whether its building a website, knitting scarves or public speaking, it takes time and effort to become proficient. Learn your craft, build your network and make the connections you need to build.

“My passions were all gathered together like fingers that made a fist. Drive is censored aggression today: I knew it then as purpose.” Betty Davis

There is power in knowing your purpose. It drives how and why you make your decisions. This leads towards ideas and goals setting. There’s power in believing in yourself and your own potential. It drives others to want to support you and empowers them to act. This can be your fuel to continue working when you want to stop.

“Only as you do know yourself can your brain service you as a sharp and efficient tool. Know your own failings, passions and prejudices so you can separate them from what you see.” Bernard M Baruch

The work doesn’t come easy but it makes you grow. Following what you truly love can help you to learn what you’re capable of and how far you are willing to go for what you want. When you want something you push yourself to achieve.

“We should every night call ourselves to an account; What infirmity have I mastered today? What passions opposed? What temptation resisted? What virtue acquired? Our vices will abort of themselves if they be brought every day to the shrift?” Seneca

When you find your passion, hold yourself accountable to continue in your work. Once you start to find your rhythm, your habits may change. Your priorities will be centered around reaching your goals. Take into account what you stand to gain and what you are willing to part with for your passion.

“Only passions, great passions, can elevate the soul to great things.” Denis Diderot

Finding what you truly enjoy doing is rewarding. It can make your days feel fuller and when you end your day your exhaustion has more meaning. It becomes habitual and almost addictive.  

“Forget about the fast lane. If you really want to fly, harness your power to your passion. Honor your calling. Everybody has one. Trust your heart and success will come to you.” Oprah Winfrey

Honor what you are doing and own it. If you feel that this work is important, it’s because it is. The work you are doing may seem small but it means something to someone, even if that someone is only you right now. Continue to do the work, revel in the hustle and bustle. Speak with gusto when you speak about what you’re doing.  

So sis, ask yourself what drives you to do the work you’re doing?  Are you passionate about your purpose?

About the author: Brandy Collins is a Bay Area native living in Scorpio magic, observing of the world, and telling stories about people in random places. Follow on twitter @gurl79 or Instagram @story_soul_collector

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Winter Wellness Retreat Reflection

Written by guest author: Brandy Collins

View once you enter Westerbeke Ranch

On the road driving toward the Westerbeke Ranch are two signs that say “Time to slow down.” It was the first reminder for sisters joining the Inaugural SIS Circle Wellness Retreat that this was their time and it should be taken wisely and with patience. Internal work lay ahead.

Upon arrival, we greeted each other with warmth and bringing our energy for the weekend’s theme “This Woman’s Worth.” We all settled into our rooms, roamed the grounds with a cup of tea, and discovered nooks to relax like sitting by the picturesque fire.

SIS Circle executive director and co-founder Leilani Carbonell Pedroni

Just before dusk, we gathered at the retreat center’s main room where SIS Circle co-founder Leilani Carbonell Pedroni welcomed us and gave us insight into why and how SIS Circle started. The name says it all. SIS stands for strength in sisterhood. We are all strong, and as women together, our power can serve to support, care and inspire each of us collectively.

Sybil Clark Amuti from The Great Girlfriends Podcast

Next, Leilani introduced guest speaker Sybil Clark Amuti, co-host of the podcast, The Great Girlfriends. Sybil gave us an empowering, and vulnerable talk then led an exercise where each woman partnered with our eyes closed and spoke love into one another. “Go back to the 5-year-old you. Who was that little girl? Was she safe? Are you nurturing her now?” With my eyes shut I was in tears. I knew coming into this space that something had to be shaken loose. It wasn’t a tumultuous year for me, but something was stifling. Something was missing, and for months I couldn’t figure out what it was. Here I was crying in front of a woman I had only met a few hours ago, teary-eyed and hugging one another. The bond was sealed, and the work on internally acknowledging each other’s strength began from this moment forward. Sybil explained that our desires and worth were in us. What we want is there, but we must define what we want, clearly, and without hesitation. As women nurtured each other, there was rainfall to match the cleansing.

75 year-old Florentina Carbonell with other sisters Julie Ziegler, Jodie Karigaca, and Sonya Merical

During the delicious locally grown dinner discussion flowed about kids, families, wants, and desires. Afterward, each participant was given a gratitude box filled with gifts from women-owned businesses including a SIS Circle t-shirt (logo design by mommy blogger and graphic designer Ruby Hunt), handmade bath soap from Ilo Mind & Body, peppermint spiritual bath from Queen Hippie Gypsy, a rose quartz bracelet designed from Gifts of Prosperity, herbal tea from Tara’s Teas, coffee mug from The Great Girlfriends, and other items donated by fellow SIS Circle members. With music playing in the background of empowered women including Mary J. Blige, India Arie, Erykah Badu, Lauryn Hill, and Alicia Keys during the free time, a couple of sisters showed off their acro-yoga talents, a few danced and sang freely, others shared personal stories strengthening our bonds into the wee hours of the night.

Day Two

Sunrise through the trees

Day two of the retreat came with a purple sunrise through lush trees. Coffee tea and a scrumptious breakfast continued the talks from the previous night. The ladies were ready for meditation led by Gifts of Prosperity owner Kenji Correa. Each breath guided in love and out with old habits. In with worthiness and out with doubt. In self love and out with self abuse. The light within looked different when we opened our eyes.

Self-care with Shumsha Hanif-Cruz

Next, sister Shumsha Hanif-Cruz, family law attorney, reminded each of us that “we cannot take care of others if we are not taking care of ourselves.” We were given a self-assessment test  that showed each person where she should could grow in her self-care. Shumsha gave us a list of 100 acts of self-care which included small items like painting your nails to taking yourself on a date.

SIS Circle co-founder Elaine Carbonell

SIS Circle co-founder Elaine Carbonell opened the next session with a personal testimonial of how she worked her way out of feelings of unworthiness through feminine dance movement.  Dance instructor, chocolatier, and birthing doula Mikka Minx loosened the stiffness from carrying the world on our shoulders followed by lunch.

The final activity was a vision board workshop where sister Sonja shared her boards to the group. Singing together and deciding on “Aunty Jams,” each woman put together the visions we wanted for ourselves in the near future; some wanted travel, some set positive health goals; others financial security.  I realized feeling supported, open and heard is addicting. It made me want to be around this energy more. SIS Circle sisters ended the day with hugs, new and strengthened bonds of sisterhood, and a vision of her worth that exceeded expectations.

Vision Board activity
  • Angela Valparaiso and Kenji Correa
  • Brandy Collins, Delmica Karigaca, Angela Badami-Knight, Sybil Clark Amuti
Wellness Retreat
Inaugural SIS Circle Retreat – Westerbeke Ranch, Sonoma, CA

Brandy Collins is a Bay Area native living in Scorpio magic, observing of the world, and telling stories about people in random places. Follow on twitter @gurl79 or Instagram @story_soul_collector

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Like the Chameleon, Adapting to Change

Change

I thought that a chameleon changes its colors because it was hiding or afraid. A cursory internet search proves this theory to be incorrect. The chameleon knows when it needs to be seen and when it needs to be unseen. Hiding in plain sight or blending into the background until the time comes to reveal itself. 

Are we so unlike the chameleon? There is such a similarity in needing to be something different when the time suits us. We can’t be everything to everyone, although we try in moments where we have to. 

It’s not so much just a physical change. The chameleon can literally change its skin with the weather. Humans, while we try to change so quickly, there are other elements involved. Like the chameleon, the weather can make us change into a sweater, but can it change our way of existence so quickly? For the chameleon, a quick change can save their lives. Human beings call that code-switching in some places. 

Unlike the chameleon, however, our changes are not realized or fully recognized instantly. They come over time from environmental changes, with mood changes, and with the change of circumstances. It may take some time to look in the mirror and see that you lost weight, but the difference is there. Social changes take more work. They take a more collaborative effort. How many people are involved with these changes? Are we influenced by other people? The conversations that we have change us. The words people use affect our moods. The ability to realize that there is an experience that is not your own may change your perspective. 

What can we learn from the chameleon? 

Be ready for change. It is the only thing that is consistent in the world we live in. We have to be open to the possibility that we may be challenged with a new idea or concept. Ask questions about the idea, learn more on your own, and make changes that you feel safe to do so without compromising your authentic self. 

Recognize that something around you is changing. There are times when it’s okay to blend into the background and be still. There are other times when you will need to act and move faster than you would like  If you feel it happening, ignoring it doesn’t mean that it’s not changing. It only means that you aren’t participating in the actions.

Acknowledge your feelings around what is changing. If the change is something you disagree with, remember what your core values are and what emotion is rooting that disagreement. Are you disagreeing because you are afraid? Are you in disagreement because it’s unfair or wrong? Take some time to sit with your reasons why.  

Finally, not all change has to happen overnight. Some are slow and give you time to grow into what is occurring around you. Others are external adjustments to our lives and we have to adapt who we are at our core to meet the needs of those changes. Whatever your response to change, it is happening.  

Be the chameleon, Sis.

Brandy Collins
About the author: Brandy Collins is a Bay Area native full of Scorpio magic and self-proclaimed Professional Aunty telling stories for Oakland Voices and numerous group chats. Follow on twitter @gurl79 or Instagram @story_soul_collecter