We asked our sisters on our social media accounts how do they balance their lives. Our diverse community of women who are marathon runners, entrepreneurs, educators, scientists, writers, receptionists, lawyers and community activists gave us the loudest response of… silence. When some were asked individually what they are doing to balance their lives they said they didn’t feel like they were balanced at all. Sis, you’re doing the best that you can do. What do you mean you aren’t balanced?
We each work in a variety of spaces day in and day out to make our lives as livable, comfortable and enriching as we can with the resources that we have. Its widely accepted that what some refer to as positive psychology https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/positive-psychology is a springboard for helping people get through tough times. In therapy and in manifestation meditation practices it involves focusing primarily on the positive aspects of our lives and projecting positivity in order to maintain positive things in our lives.
No one can be expected to do this every single day all day, all the time. Each of us also faces a new challenge that can drain us of our energies. We have obligations that require a not so positive response in order to get the results. As leaders and supervisors, we have to have difficult conversations with our staff members. As parents, we have to think about the safety of our children in a not so safe world. This is what it means to balance.
“Being balanced isn’t like putting all the positive and negative things on scales and weigh them against each other. “
Being balanced isn’t like putting all the positive and negative things on scales and weigh them against each other. Being balanced isn’t focusing all your energies to solve every problem you have ever encountered. Being balanced isn’t only thinking positive thoughts and neglecting the negative aspects. Being balanced doesn’t mean that you have to forget every moment you ever lived because you are making new decisions for the betterment of your life now.
We’ve learned to box in our thoughts into categories of negative being bad and positive as being good. Unfortunately, we may have also boxed out that opposition that brought about the innovative change in our lives. Remember that time you were overdrawn and didn’t have money to put gas in the car? (Many of us have been there, sis.) You went through every pocket, purse, and drawer to find just enough to get to where we needed to get to. This also made you plan better and think about your spending habits. You started storing your change and using Coinstar to cash it in when you were low on funds.
How about the times you disagreed with a procedure at work? Either the operating system didn’t work or the procedure was steeped in bias or you simply were told that you’re pushy, sensitive and complaining too much. Remember when you speak out about something frustrating or that puts you in an uncomfortable position, you are not complaining but simply voicing a concern. It’s okay to do that. This is why many companies have IT departments, incident reports, diversity training, nepotism policies, inclusive hiring practices, grievance policies, and whistleblower policies.
What we can do is learn how to redirect our focus on what we learn in those moments about ourselves and position those moments in a more positive light. Acknowledge that there are some challenging times in our lives. Acknowledge that you are an instrument for change. Acknowledge that your change could become a way of life for someone else. Having balance is about knowing and understanding the ebbs and flows from one life event to another. When we focus on the lessons to learn from these events rather than isolating them into a negative or positive we are then balancing our lives. Hopefully, when we ask our sisters again how they are balancing their lives, we may need to reframe our question to:
How are you thriving, growing, and learning?
What steps are you making to improve your quality of life?
About the author: Brandy Collins is a Bay Area native living in Scorpio magic, observing of the world, and telling stories about people in random places. Follow on twitter @gurl79 or Instagram @story_soul_collecter