Author: Brandy Collins

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The Journey

The journey of a thousand miles starts with one step. That’s what they say. One morning my journey began with burning my finger on a “protection” candle while setting an altar. No one said the journey was going to be easy. 

The journey of a thousand miles started with pain, followed by a cup of coffee. That thousand-mile journey is not without irony or humor. That pain is also vastly transformative. In the same way that my hurt finger will callous over and eventually heal, so does much of our pains that we have emotionally experienced. 

Don’t be mistaken; we’re not saying the pain has gone away. We’re saying we are healing. 

Getting toward a healing place is the ultimate journey. We are working every day on realizing the value in each step that we have already taken. When we think back on something that happened to us, do we also think about the places that incident or event has led us to as well? The loss of a family member may have led you to think about what that person meant to you and what you value, what you hold dear. It may also challenge you to ask where you find joy. 

The grief of any loss, whether it’s a job or a family member, puts us squarely in the middle of asking how to get back to “normal” or “feeling like myself again.” From there, we fumble, cry and rage through this new version of ourselves, the version in pain searching for reprieve. That search is the beginning of a series of events that lead us to sometimes wiser, sometimes more battered but improved versions of ourselves. 

They forget to tell you that one step takes a million brainwaves to move your legs, feet, and everything else to take that first step. 

The journey of a thousand miles means your brain has to get out of to even begin. It’s the idea of the journey where the struggle starts for so many people. Sometimes, what we hold onto does have value, but we can become misguided and doubt our intuition when we hear our friends say “let it go” or some other advice. 

Sometimes our ruminations have a deeper hold on us because we haven’t processed them yet. Don’t assume there aren’t reasons for whatever it was you were holding on to. Consider what you’re feeling or holding wasn’t supposed to let go. Sit down with those emotions and consider if it’s something you didn’t know you were supposed to explore. It also means exploring the parts of ourselves that we are often afraid to admit out loud some days. Maybe you were too mean to someone who didn’t deserve it or spoke harshly about someone. Question what you were feeling, where did that come from, and how you want to correct it moving forward. 

Finally, admitting out loud the challenges that we may have gone through is transformative. It may not be enough to remember something. Our minds have a way of painting events over time. On any given day, when you remember and experience, you can either be the victim or the villain. Saying the words is cathartic and helps to release. 

Each step in the process of healing takes time. Give yourself some space to heal holistically. The journey of a thousand miles takes a million tiny steps. You never know where one foot in front of the other will take you. 

Brandy Collins is a writer, and public services advocate born and raised in the Bay Area. She is a correspondent for Oakland Voices, a blogger, and the funny one in numerous group chats. Brandy is full of Scorpio magic and self-proclaimed Professional Aunty. Follow her on Twitter @msbrandycollins or Instagram @story_soul_collecter.

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Reflecting to Be Sustainable

If hindsight is 20/20, then we have seen more than our fair share to gain perspective well into the future. There have been some interesting challenges that changed the world we live in. We’ve had to make adjustments to our social constructs and how we processed this new world. Each time we begin a new year and a new journey, we also have to remember to release something that could be holding us back from being our best selves. 

Human beings are creatures of habit. An unsustainable routine was the most apparent and something we need to leave behind. The shift from sitting in traffic daily and being in an office surrounded by people to working from home wearing pajamas at a makeshift kitchen table for a desk, has forced us to question if our routines were sustainable for the lives we claim we want to live. 

The mental transitions from a “Go” centric life to a “Hurry up and wait” centric pace was the first challenge. On the one hand, sitting with ourselves for an extended period meant sitting with nowhere to rush off to. On the other hand, making plans for the end of a difficult time became a central focus because it was comforting to have something to look forward to. It’s helpful to remember there is no result or end game plan while you’re in the present moment, and that realization doesn’t often sit well for some. When we are not present or paying attention to what is going on in the now, we do it to our own detriment and miss out on moments of growth.  

The unsustainable routine may include making some truly unhealthy meal decisions. Making meals of tortilla chips, nacho cheese, and red wine for dinner can be okay once in a while as comfort but had quickly become an unhealthy habit over time. Perhaps we’ve made those choices due to diminished skills when cooking, lack of motivation, or just the sheer convenience of it. But when it becomes chronic and more consistent than making a regular meal, then a shift may be necessary. I’d be lying to myself if I said I wouldn’t do this again, but at least an effort can be made more frequently for better choices. 

It was far more noticeable how disconnected we had become from the people we care about. The way we were taking care of our personal relationships was not sustainable. I didn’t realize that I missed having conversations with some people, and the conversations I’ve had have been grounding. The best conversations were spent laughing, and we found several hours later, we were on the phone talking, exchanging ideas about how we want to transform our lives. Not everyone has the ability, but there are some people I thoroughly loved talking to with full honesty that I don’t have to hold back with. 

Finally, the ability to rest when your body tells you to rest is impacted when your routine is unsustainable. Making more time for rest or taking breaks when you need to is imperative. Taking a nap in the middle of the day seems like a bad idea at first, but after some time, we may come to realize we are more refreshed to get things done around the house, even in the later hours of the night. I became more productive and reflective during the hours after a nap. 

Our lives weren’t sustainable, and the routines we had were breaking us in ways that we weren’t aware of. For your own reflection, what’s something you found wasn’t sustainable? How can you make the shift?

About the author: Brandy Collins is a Bay Area native full of Scorpio magic and self-proclaimed Professional Aunty telling stories for Oakland Voices, Oaklandside, and the funny one in group chats. Follow on twitter @gurl79, Instagram @story_soul_collecter, and her website http://storysoulcollector.com/.

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Celebrate Your Small Wins

Celebrate Your Small Wins

It is party time! Release the balloons. Pop a bottle. Blow out the candles on your cake. 

It may not feel like it, but YOU deserve a celebration. Right now, we are celebrating the moment. This moment is THE MOMENT. This moment is your moment. Our world is changing every day, and the social constructs that we were so familiar with begin to amaze us with how they have transitioned. There may be times when we feel that we are not doing enough to be a part of these moments; by celebrating small wins in our everyday life, we can correlate them to other aspects of our lives that we found challenging to face. 

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Challenge: Indecisiveness: You have a hard time making a decision. 

Small Win: You chose a movie or TV show to watch.  

Why It’s A Win: There are a plethora of options and directions to go. Every day you are making important decisions that impact the lives of you, your family members, and the people you work with. We can ruminate over every one of them at length, but this is a small decision that brings you a bit of joy in the moment. 

Challenge: Unhealthy eating habits. You have eaten cereal for dinner three nights in a row. 

Small Win: You remembered to nourish yourself. 

Why It’s A Win: The definition of “unhealthy eating” is more subjective to our social ideas and pressure. We have learned along the way that what we do in times of hardship is wrong, rather than a part of survival instincts. Your circumstances financially and emotionally impact what is defined as “unhealthy.” It’s okay because you recognized it as something you wouldn’t normally do, and you will try something that feels healthier to you the next day. 

Challenge: You haven’t been paying attention to all the politics and don’t quite understand what is happening

Small Win: You recognized change is occurring and have a desire to make sense of something

Why It’s a Win: There is a lot of information globally, and it gets very confusing. Not everyone can follow every event happening in the political landscape. Focus your influences locally and within your circle of influence. Do some research with other people who make you feel comfortable in asking questions about the issues. Make sure that you are registered to vote. Remember to vote. That’s all the heavy mental lifting that’s required.

Challenge: You didn’t do all the items on your list and did nothing all-day

Small Win: You took rest

Why It’s A Win: We are conditioned to work hard to get our rewards. There is enough hustle culture in the world that we often forget what all the hustling is for. Take a day to recharge and reset yourself. 

Challenge: You haven’t showered in 3 days

Small Win: Your sense of smell kicked, and you only smell like you’re dying

Why It’s A Win: You’re loved ones will be grateful that you have chiseled off those leggings and the stained T-shirt. That shower, when you finally take it, is going to feel like such a relief. The air around you will be such a relief to breathe in.  

You showed up for the moment where you needed yourself. Stop beating yourself up for not doing the thing that you planned to do. Celebrate the small wins in your life. You have been in the moment that your journey led you to. Where are you supporting yourself and your accomplishments? 

About the author: Brandy Collins is a Bay Area native full of Scorpio magic and self-proclaimed Professional Aunty telling stories for Oakland Voices, Oaklandside, and the funny one in group chats. Follow on twitter @gurl79, Instagram @story_soul_collecter, and her website http://storysoulcollector.com/.

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The Abundant Purpose

Abundance is so frequently discussed in terms of monetary gains. When we want to manifest our intentions, it can be framed in the form of a new job, money for vacations, or security in our financial futures… However, have you ever considered the abundance of your purpose? The world we live in can be placed into many caste systems of financial gain, describing our worth in what material possessions we have, the amount of money we make or spend.

Many of our most abundant blessings are things that we give to one another. We spend time and give advice. We share our lives. We show up for our friends when they are in need. What if we use the same language that we use for money in our relationships and growth?

Ask what’s the return on investment. Cheer your friends on in their accomplishments but also ask them to be accountable for their progress in a realistic way.  

Relationships are a system of checks and balances. Don’t give more than you can afford to give of yourself. Also, don’t ask someone to give more of themselves than you would expect to give. 

Surround ourselves with people who are not morally bankrupt. We all have our flaws. Many of us have been down some dark roads and shouldn’t judge people on what to do to survive. However, don’t intentionally surround yourself with people who have no regard for other people, their resources, their time, or livelihoods.

Refuse to be indebted, nor turn our friendships into indentured servitude. No one owns the rights to someone else’s partnerships, friendships, successes, or failures. We may believe that an introduction to someone or something is our success or failure to claim. Remember, there may be benefits or fallouts of being supportive in someone else, but it’s not yours to claim.

The most beneficial relationships are diversified. We cross paths with many people from many different roads. There are valuable and teachable moments in each of them. Keep people around you that you can learn and experience something new.

Lend an ear. Just the simple act of listening to someone else express themselves honestly without filter or judgment can mean the world to someone.

Not everyone’s purpose is the same or can remain unchanging. Sis, consider at this moment, your purpose is to be abundant in not only your own life but the lives around you. It is full of rich experiences from which you have lived and learned. The wealth of knowledge that you share with others can give so much more to someone else than you have ever gained.

Sis, how can you be abundant in someone’s life?

About the author: Brandy Collins is a Bay Area native full of Scorpio magic and self-proclaimed Professional Aunty telling stories for Oakland Voices and numerous group chats. Follow on twitter @gurl79 or Instagram @story_soul_collecter

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An Experience We Share

Connection

Remember that one time you were with your friends and another group of people saw something strange happen? It could have been something small like a dog off its leash running. Or someone in a car spinning donuts in the middle of the street and then drives off. (If you’re in the Bay Area, this is not an uncommon sight). A group of strangers all witnessing something together, and then share a knowing glance, sparks something inside of us. We begin talking about what we saw. We validate the experience with one another. That is a shared experience.

A shared experience is doing, seeing, or hearing something with someone else. This experience can transform your perspective of the people you thought you knew. It can spark conversations, jokes, laughter, and friendships.

It doesn’t matter if we are in the same space with people; these experiences have a way of shaping how we respond to the change, how we grow, and how we live. That text message to a colleague during a conference call is the small push we need to feel that we are not alone. Sharing news articles on social media and commenting on what we read with our friends allows us to see the world with a common perspective. In 2008 the world watched as the United States swore in the country’s first black president. 2015 brought the most sought after and talked about Broadway musical, Hamilton. 2019 Game of Thrones fans lamented how the show ended in disappointment. 2020 gave us a global pandemic and Teddy Riley vs. Babyface a musical battle on Instagram where a captive audience of fans and celebrities watched, danced, and shared jokes.

We’ve heard the adage, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” However, it’s also true we need these small interactions to make us feel a part of something bigger than ourselves. It’s easy for us to lose sight of how we are connected through separation. We should be forgiving of ourselves when we begin to crave these connections. It’s okay to ask for these small moments of connection. It’s okay to tell someone a story about your day. It’s okay to say to a friend, “I don’t feel brave today.” These are all things we experience together.

It’s through these experiences we find our commonalities and also can learn to respect the differences of others. We can see the same shows but feel vastly different feelings. Our perspectives are so vast that they can bring us to a commonplace. We need our circles of people to be there for us in the good times, as well as the more challenging ones. They can make the smallest moments feel monumental.

Sis, are you sharing with others? Did you remember to reach out to someone and let them know that you are available when they are in need? Are you asking for the times that you are in need? When we remember to reach out, we don’t have to feel so separated or alone.

About the author: Brandy Collins is a Bay Area native full of Scorpio magic and self-proclaimed Professional Aunty telling stories for Oakland Voices and numerous group chats. Follow on twitter @gurl79 or Instagram @story_soul_collecter

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Unmoving in Faith

faith

So there you are. Stuck and not moving. You may, at this point, feel like you are in a box, and you are not able to get out. The plans that you had for yourself and your loved ones seem as if they can not happen now. It could be a dead-end job, a relationship that didn’t go as planned or you’re under nationwide quarantine, and you literally can’t go anywhere. Whatever the reason, your plans have halted.

However, the thing that you need most to be stable has shifted -your faith. We’re not talking about faith in the religious sense. It is the faith in yourself that you started with that gave you optimism. When you started your plans, you prepared to leave your comfort zone for a new way of life; you had faith that you could make it work. It started somewhere. You were encouraged by something. You had a belief that if you set your intentions and put in the work, things could occur. Then a setback happened, doubt set in, and your faith began to waver.

Much of our current positive reinforcement wisdom today would say to think on the positive side about what is happening and don’t lose out on your faith. On the contrary, you shouldn’t ignore your doubts or pretend they don’t exist. Question and interrogate these fears. What happened that made me feel this way? If you aren’t able to see your way through doubt, have someone you trust to ask you some honest questions about your fears to put some logic to them. A technique in problem-solving analysis referred to as “5 whys” is a great way to get why you think or believe something is occurring.

Next, focus on the aspects you can control. A significant confidence boost is being able to accomplish a smaller task. It can be unrelated to the goals that you were planning to manifest. It can be as simple as completing a 500 piece puzzle. When you take a small step to gain control of one part of your life, confidence, and faith in yourself can be rebuilt.

Finally, the hardest part of restoring your faith is to remember that you are exactly where you are supposed to be in the moment you are supposed to be. When we are manifesting, we align our actions. When we are aligned, we are moving in the direction that is our path. The set back is a part of your alignment. This is the time when you should be reflecting and deciding if you want to continue. Your setback is a good time to stabilize your set up.

As you progress in the intentions you’ve set, your faith in yourself will too. It’s okay that your faith in yourself wavers from time to time. It’s normal. These moments of uncertainty are part of your growth. Sis, take this time and be still while you can.

About the author: Brandy Collins is a Bay Area native full of Scorpio magic and self-proclaimed Professional Aunty telling stories for Oakland Voices and numerous group chats. Follow on twitter @gurl79 or Instagram @story_soul_collecter

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Self-Love is…

We spend every day in the service of other people. In our work, we cater to the needs of our employer, our staff and our colleagues. In our relationships, we lookout for our mates and friends making sure they have support to love and grow. As parents and for those with aging parents we work to keep safe and cared for. As we walk through the world we are compassionate for people who are the most vulnerable and in need of love. However, when it comes to ourselves, it’s not so easy.

Self-love is reminding yourself that you are worthy of your own time and attention. Remember to give yourself time to breathe, intentionally. You are worthy of taking a day off to rest. You are worthy to remember that you aren’t just a sister, mother or significant other. You have a name and it should be celebrated by you first.

Self-love is showing up for yourself. Be present in not only your best moments but also the challenging moments. Don’t distract yourself from these moments because they are a part of your growth.  Reflection can come afterward. You can share it with others when the time is right. However, when something happens, stay in that moment.

Self-love is being compassionate with yourself. It means genuinely loving who you are. You came into being through your efforts and actions. You have shed beliefs and changed your mind about who you are. Be loving of yourself in those moments.

Self-love is defending yourself the same way you would defend a friend or a child. It sounds cliche, however, the words you say to yourself are not the words you would allow anyone else to say to you. Talk to yourself out loud. Feel the words as you say them. Tell yourself that you tried your best and that you will try harder the next time.

Loving yourself is not an easy task. It’s far easier to pour yourself into other people and their needs than to look for your own love. Each day we must make the effort to remind ourselves that we deserve the same attention as our lovers, family, and friends. How will you commit to loving yourself, sis?

About the author: Brandy Collins is a Bay Area native full of Scorpio magic and self-proclaimed Professional Aunty telling stories for Oakland Voices and numerous group chats. Follow on twitter @gurl79 or Instagram @story_soul_collecter

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Grown and Grateful

gratitude

We often express our gratitude for our loved ones and the many blessings that we receive. However, we forget that the lessons we learned along the way are something we need to acknowledge. We’re not shaming anyone in their choices but when we sat down and reflected, we found ourselves showing some gratitude for our earned experiences. Here are some of the lessons our founding sisters have learned from their younger days:

“I don’t have to impress anyone.”
We can feel more confident in ourselves with growth. There’s no longer a need to put on a full face of makeup just to go to the grocery store. There is no longer a need to pretend to be interested in your boyfriend’s favorite band or TV shows that you’re not interested in because your friends like it. It’s okay to wear sweats and still have a good time. There is freedom in just allowing yourself to be comfortable in your own skin.

“I don’t have to stay in hostels or crappy hotels when I travel.” At some point, we road tripped with a group of friends and there were 4 or 5 people taking turns sharing two queen-sized beds. This was a time when we bonded with our friends, learned who was the loudest person to snore and who don’t share their covers. There is nothing wrong with growing away from that and knowing if you can afford it, that you need your own room and are no longer willing to sleep foot to head.

“I like my heels but I also like my slippers.” Gaining some financial freedom is being able to spend some coin on a nice pair of shoes. You can proudly sport a pair of stilettos and do a catwalk strut for most of your day but there is nothing like those leopard print slippers when you get home.

“I don’t have to people when I don’t want to people.” On repeat and louder for the people in the back who did not hear it. We can take our damn self out to a nice dinner and movie or simply stay-in, binge-watch a series on Hulu, and put our phone on do not disturb.

“I have more discernment in my friendships.” Our relationships, more specifically our friendships will become more substantial. They become more valuable to us because they are more authentic. The conversations are less about partying and more about planning. The cattiness, backbiting, and pettiness of youthful friendships no longer have a place and are far too exhausting to maintain. We are more selective about who we allow into our spaces and who to give our energy to.

“There is strength in vulnerability.” We are warriors in so many parts of our lives. The knowledge that we don’t have to always put on a brave face and that it is okay to embrace the softness is the strongest part of our character. It’s okay to hold your friend’s hand when she needs to feel your strength. Take a moment to be a shoulder to cry on after a rough day at work.

“Everyone else’s problems are not my problems.” We don’t have to save anyone from themselves. There may have been a time when your friend’s every crisis felt like it was your crisis. At some point, we realize that our friends can handle their issues. We can support them on their journey but surely we can’t sit in her driveway in the car listening to Sade’s Sweetest Taboo every Tuesday night. Once, maybe if she has a bottle of good wine.

“Youth is wasted on the young.” We’re not judging our younger sisters nor the mounds of energy they have by any means. We reminisce about the days where we partied until the sun literally came up and went to work with only 3 hours of sleep, still wearing the eyeliner from the night before. Now, we are going to bed at 9 pm on Friday night. We served our time in the party life but we also know we took naps for granted.

Whether we are talking about vacations, lovers, shoes, or friends we want substance. In this stage of our lives, we are about quality over quantity. Like many of us, we have grown more experienced we have found that there are lessons we learned in our youth that have made us grateful for the progress and growth. Learning doesn’t end just because of age. Don’t worry sis, many of us are still learning these lessons.

About the author: Brandy Collins is a Bay Area native living in Scorpio magic, observing of the world, and telling stories about people in random places. Follow on twitter @gurl79 or Instagram @story_soul_collecter

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Learning About Money and Me

Tina J. Ling is a “reacher outer.” That was the reason That’s What She Said (TWSS) organizers thought of Tina for last May’s “Financial Freedom for Womxn” seminar at The Social Study, a women-owned Bay Area bar in San Francisco. A few of us SIS Circle sisters were there to listen and learn from Tina about getting the most out of our finances.

We cannot move forward in finance without community.

The room was filled with womxn from different financial backgrounds to learn about changing their relationship with money so they can be more successful in their financial decision making. Tina challenged our thinking. If we aren’t talking about money and finance, how are we supposed to learn about finance? To drive her point across, Tina said, “In sales, we talk about money all the time. We brag to each other what we make. They talk about it on the golf courses. That is community. We cannot move forward in finance without community.” Gaining and having knowledge in finance is about community.

I am stressed about money often.

Tina asked us to look at what we care about and what we need to take care of in our lives. Deciding what’s important will be the driving force and motivation for our decisions. She instructed us to take a self-assessment where we were presented with statements to rate from 1 (low) to 5 (high). One statement that struck a chord with many of us was “I am stressed about money often.” With trepidation, some of the womxn in the room admitted that they were stressed often about money. The sharing confirmed that we are not alone in the journey. It was reassuring. Saying out loud our own worries and fears is how we begin to motivate ourselves toward making financial plans. Fear was the most common emotion attached to the discussion about finance. In fact, Tina mentioned that she worked with people who are in their 40s and 50s who had never talked about money.

“I don’t talk about how much I make because I feel people I know may be uncomfortable with it.”

– Shumsha Hanif- Cruz, a Founding SIS Circle Sister

In the Forbes article, Why We Should Get Over The Taboo Of Discussing Salary Openly And Honestly, the author Jack Kelly says we would all benefit if we get over the taboo of discussing money. He writes, “It would open the door to more real and honest conversations about saving for the future and having sufficient funds for retirement and other commitments.” Tina reminded us, “At the beginning (of the seminar), I told you how much I made because without it, that’s how they win. In sales, we talk about it to pump each other up and to know what salary value is.” Without the direct and clear discussion, we don’t know where the value lines are drawn.

We learn about money from people who raised us.
We learn about it from the people we spend time with.
From them, we learn how to interact with money.
Our placement at or above the poverty line shapes our interactions with money.

In a group discussion, one attendee stated “For each of us, enough is different. For some of us enough is having enough to keep the lights on. For others, enough is having enough for a vacation.” Tina replied, “We let the external world tell us too often what is enough for us. When we ask for something and receive less than what we know we deserve, that is letting the external world tell us what is enough for us.” In order to be in control, we need to be clear, concise and intentional about what we say when we need “just enough.” 

Changing how we see finance will help to change our financial decisions. Throughout our lives, we have been conditioned to believe that with more money comes more problems. Life and life’s problems will continue to happen whether we are wealthy or not. When our basic needs are threatened we respond differently. It was important to remember that money doesn’t make life’s problems go away however it makes life more comfortable when you have to deal with them.

Get clear on your goals.

Tina told us to get clear on our goals and asking for what we want. Write down a tangible amount and date. This was difficult. What am I aiming for? How much is too much?  There was a murmur in the room. “How are you supposed to receive what you want if you aren’t clear about asking for it?” The third, fourth and fifth steps are just as hard as the first.

“You are not your money.” She repeated it. Then she repeated it again. “You are not your money.” This mantra was going to take a hold on us all. 

By the end of the seminar, there was a sense of relief and understanding about what kind of work needs to be done to change our relationship with finance. This was an experience I didn’t know I needed. Money doesn’t have to be the root of all evil. Those shaped metal and pieces of green paper we refer to as dollars and cents don’t have the same control over my mental state that they did when I started the evening. This is not to say that money doesn’t have a place and isn’t a valued commodity in the world we live in. Rather, I should value it as a tool and be in community with finances more because I am not my money.

About the author: Brandy Collins is a Bay Area native living in Scorpio magic, observing of the world, and telling stories about people in random places. Follow on twitter @gurl79 or Instagram @story_soul_collecter

manifest abundance wealth prosperity
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Balance Without Scales

Photo by Le Minh Phuong on Unsplash

We asked our sisters on our social media accounts how do they balance their lives. Our diverse community of women who are marathon runners, entrepreneurs, educators, scientists, writers, receptionists, lawyers and community activists gave us the loudest response of… silence. When some were asked individually what they are doing to balance their lives they said they didn’t feel like they were balanced at all. Sis, you’re doing the best that you can do. What do you mean you aren’t balanced? 

We each work in a variety of spaces day in and day out to make our lives as livable, comfortable and enriching as we can with the resources that we have. Its widely accepted that what some refer to as positive psychology  https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/positive-psychology is a springboard for helping people get through tough times. In therapy and in manifestation meditation practices it involves focusing primarily on the positive aspects of our lives and projecting positivity in order to maintain positive things in our lives. 

No one can be expected to do this every single day all day, all the time. Each of us also faces a new challenge that can drain us of our energies. We have obligations that require a not so positive response in order to get the results. As leaders and supervisors, we have to have difficult conversations with our staff members. As parents, we have to think about the safety of our children in a not so safe world. This is what it means to balance.

“Being balanced isn’t like putting all the positive and negative things on scales and weigh them against each other. “

Being balanced isn’t like putting all the positive and negative things on scales and weigh them against each other. Being balanced isn’t focusing all your energies to solve every problem you have ever encountered. Being balanced isn’t only thinking positive thoughts and neglecting the negative aspects. Being balanced doesn’t mean that you have to forget every moment you ever lived because you are making new decisions for the betterment of your life now.

We’ve learned to box in our thoughts into categories of negative being bad and positive as being good. Unfortunately, we may have also boxed out that opposition that brought about the innovative change in our lives. Remember that time you were overdrawn and didn’t have money to put gas in the car? (Many of us have been there, sis.) You went through every pocket, purse, and drawer to find just enough to get to where we needed to get to. This also made you plan better and think about your spending habits. You started storing your change and using Coinstar to cash it in when you were low on funds.

How about the times you disagreed with a procedure at work? Either the operating system didn’t work or the procedure was steeped in bias or you simply were told that you’re pushy, sensitive and complaining too much. Remember when you speak out about something frustrating or that puts you in an uncomfortable position, you are not complaining but simply voicing a concern. It’s okay to do that. This is why many companies have IT departments, incident reports, diversity training, nepotism policies, inclusive hiring practices, grievance policies, and whistleblower policies.

What we can do is learn how to redirect our focus on what we learn in those moments about ourselves and position those moments in a more positive light. Acknowledge that there are some challenging times in our lives. Acknowledge that you are an instrument for change. Acknowledge that your change could become a way of life for someone else. Having balance is about knowing and understanding the ebbs and flows from one life event to another. When we focus on the lessons to learn from these events rather than isolating them into a negative or positive we are then balancing our lives. Hopefully, when we ask our sisters again how they are balancing their lives, we may need to reframe our question to:

How are you thriving, growing, and learning?

What steps are you making to improve your quality of life?

About the author: Brandy Collins is a Bay Area native living in Scorpio magic, observing of the world, and telling stories about people in random places. Follow on twitter @gurl79 or Instagram @story_soul_collecter